YOUR INNER CIRCLE
7 Personality Types to Beware within Your Inner Circle
It’s important to include strong personality types within your inner circle, but only if those strengths are positive ones. Negativity will ruin your inner circle and render it useless to support you and your growth. These are just a few of the negative personality traits you’d rather avoid having close to you in any way.
The Ego: The Ego loves to spout its own knowledge and point of view, but it’s not usually with the goal of helping others. They really just love to hear themselves talk, and they love to talk about themselves. They rarely have unique ideas but have lots of unfounded, yet loud, opinions that they can’t support, even when asked.
The Fangirl/Fanboy: To this person, you can do no wrong. You’re perfect. You never make mistakes. Except that no one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. The Fangirl/boy has ulterior motives, but it’s possible they aren’t even aware of it. You know what they say – if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is. This goes for people, too.
The Gossip: That one person who always seems to have the dirt on everyone else, and loves to chat about it? Guess what – they’re chatting about you, too, behind your back. Don’t make the mistake of indulging the Gossip in their favourite pastime, or you’ll find yourself the topic of conversations, too.
The Narcissist: The narcissist only cares about how others can benefit them, so if this person is part of your inner circle, run! They’ll manipulate you to get what they want, and will blame you when they don’t. They’ll create only feelings of inadequacy and guilt within you, so get rid of this one fast.
The Moaner: This negative type will always see the ways an idea won’t work, but will rarely see the ways that it will. They’ll consistently point out barriers to your success. They’ll make up problems that could occur, but are highly unlikely, and will build up walls where there are none.
The Vampire: The Vampire is excellent at sucking the very life out of each and every positive idea you have. They’ll also suck your own positive energy dry, and you won’t know what hit you. Look out for emotional exhaustion after visiting with this person – it’s a sure sign that they’re an emotional vampire.
The Needy: They need constant attention from you, and if they don’t get it, they become sullen and whiny. Their need for approval from you will become exhausting.
Removing Someone From Your Inner Circle
Removing someone from your inner circle can be a rough experience. Maybe one of the members isn’t behaving normally, or you can just tell that things have changed, and they aren’t going back.
Once you know that it’s not just a situational change, but something deeper, you need to make the decision to remove the person from your inner circle. But how do you do that without hurting feelings? Sometimes, unfortunately, feelings will be hurt, but it’s in your best interest to simply be honest about the friendship and that it no longer serves you.
First of all, be present when breaking off a friendship. Schedule a time where you can both meet on neutral ground, at a coffee shop or café, or somewhere similar. Your friend deserves more than just a text message or an email, and you are a bigger person than to do that, right?
If there’s no way you can get together, at least give them the courtesy of a phone call. But don’t get into details when attempting to schedule a meeting… just say you’d like to meet. Now isn’t the time to get into why.
When you do meet, or call, know exactly what you want to say. Be confident, both inwardly and outwardly, and clear about what you’d like to happen to the friendship – whether you want to cut off all contact, or whether you’d like the friendship to simply have different boundaries and expectations.
Be prepared to listen to your friend, and entertain ideas you possibly hadn’t thought of. Though, if you’re set on ending the friendship altogether, be clear about that, and stick to your guns.
Honesty truly is the best policy when you’re dealing with ending a friendship or cooling it off for a bit. Approach your friend with love, if you are able, because that will make the words you say kinder and gentler. State the facts – that the relationship has changed, and that you’ve been thinking about what to do about it. Make it more about you than blaming them for anything.
If you do need to get into specifics (and you very well might want to – that’s okay), don’t do it from a blaming perspective. Turn things around so that you’re making a lot of “I” statements.
Be thoughtful and conscious of your friend’s feelings when talking about what went wrong. Be honest, talk about facts, but be ready for your friend to feel hurt and defensive. This is where kindness will pay off. Still, as we’ve said previously, stick to what your plan is for the friendship.
Finally, take some time to yourself, if needed, to mourn the loss of the friendship.
Why You Should Keep Your Inner Circle Small
In all areas of life – business, personal, family, friends, health – you will constantly be surrounded by the same people. Those you live with, work with, work out with, etc. will not change much over time. So you need to be absolutely sure you’re surrounded by the best of the best!
Choosing family and to a certain degree, your co-workers is a limited proposition. But choosing your friends – that’s totally and completely up to you to decide. Choose these people wisely, and when it comes to friendships, look for quality instead of quantity.
As an adult reaches full maturity, they’re much more apt to state that they would choose to have just a few close friends than a wide variety of acquaintances. There is a reason for this! As we live and grow, we want to have around us those who will challenge us to grow, too.
But choosing those people takes time and trust, so it stands to reason that you’ll spend your time honing in on the relationships that will serve you the best and are the most aligned with who you are, personally.
For instance, someone who is very attuned to the earth and derives pleasure and encouragement from being outdoors will probably have very little in common with someone who lives in a big city and enjoys shopping and fancy restaurants. Neither of these is better or worse, they are just not aligned with the other.
In keeping your circle of influence very small – maybe four-to-six people, maybe only two or three – you can create closer bonds with those people, and come to rely on them when you need them.
And in learning, reaching and growing, you will have times when you will need to call on them. When you have friends that understand what makes you up, what’s important to you, and what your ultimate goals are in life, and who also reflect similar intentions, you build deep and lasting friendships full of support.
This is why the relationships with those in your inner circle are so vital to your success and happiness! These are the people you will turn to in times of need, and also in times of celebration. It only makes sense that you create a small but intimate circle around you that thinks the same way you do, yet will challenge you when necessary.
How to Get Others to Help You
Reaching your peak is best done with the help of others. Nobody can do it alone. You need support, mentorship at times, companionship, and friendship. None of that will be easy without knowing how to understand people first.
Gaining personal power is a journey into finding yourself, discovering what drives you, finding the motivation, your life’s purpose, your mission. It is a lifelong journey. Others have yet to start their self-discovery adventure.
To get ahead and reach your goals, you will need people around you to support you and help you grow.
4 Rules that Lead to Others Helping You Get Ahead in Life
1. Be Good at Something.
People value people who are valuable. Being good at something makes you valuable. You become an asset to others. There is more to learning enough about anything to become good at it though, not just the skills. It’s the practice it takes to get good. That takes discipline and commitment, which are both strong traits to develop in yourself.
2. Listen to Both What People Say and How.
Body language can tell you more about how a person feels more than the words they use. The hardest part is hearing what you are told when it doesn’t feel comfortable. Listen attentively to all your critics because those people care. When people stop giving you constructive criticism, it could mean they have given up telling you that you’re doing something wrong, or they may feel you don’t care. Anyone can listen to criticism. Not everyone can accept it and say ‘you are right!”.
3. Apologize When You Make Mistakes.
When you do wrong by someone – no matter how big or small a mistake you make – be accountable. Apologize with sincerity. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t always sufficient. If it’s a huge mistake, that should be followed by what you plan to do so it never happens again. People value honesty and integrity. Show them you are accountable and own your errors. It’s part of being human.
4. Find the Best in Everyone You Interact With.
There are no good people and bad people. Good people make bad decisions. Some learn from them fast, others it can take years of constant inner conflict before they realize they need to sort their life out. Pessimists can change their attitude, and people you feel have the worst intentions, can surprise you. Be valuable, a good listener, accountable and always look for the good in everyone. You will radiate positive energy, and that will make you approachable. Then, people will be open to helping you.
GO DO IT!
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